


Yoru wa hoshi wo nagameteokure

by kyjr



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 03:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyjr/pseuds/kyjr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya have been through an awful lot. First they were torn apart by Kamenashi's family, then by Nakamaru. Will they find their happiness? (Offshot of <em>Tomorrow's Way</em>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yoru wa hoshi wo nagameteokure

Akanishi Jin, for most of his life, had known Kamenashi Kazuya. He had grown up with him, a small, skinny boy with pale skin, shaggy eyebrows and hair that stuck up in all the wrong places. Jin himself was taller, and had puffy cheeks and wide eyes, with hair that fell limply over his scalp. They were inseparable, from the moment Jin's mother had introduced him to the younger, until their late teenaged years.

Their features had developed with them as they had grown. Jin's cheeks had thinned out, and his hair was cut so that it was short but hung nicely about his face. He had a broader, more muscular body than Kamenashi did. Kamenashi was no longer a walking skeleton, though, having put on some weight, and developing muscles as a result of playing baseball. His hair seemed more manageable, too, and it was grown long and rested on his shoulders. It should have made him look ridiculous, but Jin swore that in that moment, when Kamenashi walked through his door to hand him something, he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

In that moment, he knew.

He had never felt anything for another man before, but this was different. He didn't know how, or why, but it didn't feel weird to know that he liked Kamenashi, in a way that society wouldn't approve of. It was just another step in their relationship, he supposed. But admitting that he was gay - now, that was a whole other situation. When he was talking to Yamashita, he would often tune out, eyes scrutinizing every inch of the others' face, until he was hit over the head for staring too much. He could see why others fancied him, sure - but he felt nothing at all. No attraction whatsoever.

He and Kamenashi had always had this thing. They would sit by the side of a river, looking up at the night sky, talking until Kamenashi had to leave. Kamenashi always had to leave first.

Kamenashi's parents didn't... _approve_ of Jin. Jin had dropped out of high school after finding a steady job, finally moving out of home at the age of eighteen. His parents believed Jin to be a bad influence on their son, but that was the one thing that Kamenashi had to disagree with his parents about.

Jin somehow summoned up enough courage one day, when he was nineteen and Kamenashi was seventeen. They were in Jin's bedroom, with Kamenashi's bass resting upon his knees and Jin plucking nervously at his own accoustic guitar. They sat upon Jin's bed, leaning against the wall.

"Hey, Kame..." Jin started, trying to swallow his nerves.

"Mmm?" Kamenashi answered, eyes still focused on his instrument.

The butterflies in Jin's stomach fluttered like crazy, as he quickly turned and placed a kiss on Kamenashi's cheek. The other man froze, eyes wide.

"Wh--what're you doing?" he asked, in a low voice. Jin could still hear him, though, because he hadn't moved, his face still close to Kamenashi's own as the other turned slightly to meet his eyes.

"I--uh..." Stupid words and their stupid ability to lose themselves. But Kamenashi was still watching him with those soft brown eyes of his, and all he could do was move closer again, this time placing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth.

He wasn't expecting Kamenashi to move after he had drawn back. Kamenashi wound his arms around his neck, the hint of a smile on his face as this time he leant in, sealing their mouths together.

Kamenashi chuckled at the small gasp Jin issued.

>>><<<

 

From that day on, Jin had worn a small turtle earring, and Kamenashi would laugh everytime he saw it, saying that it was stupid and unnecessary. Jin had just pouted and Kamenashi would give in, threading their fingers together as he placed a kiss on Jin's lips.

They were happy.

But they knew that was too good to last.

Three years of fleeting touches and stolen kisses passed, and Jin still loved Kamenashi as much as he had when they had first kissed. It was hard, walking hand-in-hand down the street but quickly having your hand discarded as a family member greeted them. They both knew that Kamenashi's parents would not approve of their relationship, and so they kept it secret.

Jin loved to hear his laugh the most. The way he would clap his hands and stomp his feet when something was uproariously funny made him laugh, too, and more often than not the two of them would be rolling on the floor, laughing at each other rather than the thing that had started them off.

Jin's days were incomplete if he and Kamenashi didn't lie by the side of that river. Sometimes they didn't even say anything; they just lay there, watching the stars blink at them from far away, with Kamenashi's hand firmly in his grip.

One night, as he fidgeted with one of Kamenashi's rings on his fingers, he asked, "Kame?"

"Mmm?"

"What would you do if I died tomorrow?"

"Die with you."

He said it so simply, it was as if he didn't even have to think about it.

>>><<<

 

"But Jin, I don't _want_ to buy an apron!"

"I need one; it's not for you," Jin said, laughing as he dragged the unwilling Kamenashi into the store, quickly searching for the kitchen section. "Man, there're a lot to choose from."

"Mmm."

"Kame? Which one do you think?"

"This is ridiculous, Jin - since when do you care if you spill food on yourself?" Kamenashi asked with a grin. Jin kicked him. "Ouch! Careful; I could have fallen and you would have had to pay for everything I would have broken on the way."

"There's nothing breakable around here," Jin retorted, smirking.

"You know me; I'd flail. And possibly catch that vase over there..." he trailed off, narrowing his eyes.

"You're evil. I don't know why I like you." Kamenashi just laughed, and helped him choose an apron for his kitchen.

"Your kitchen is light blue, right?" Kamenashi asked, flicking through the different colours. Jin nodded.

"But you know, I'm not so concerned worrying about whether it suits the kitchen decor. I'm more worried as to whether or not that body of yours will look good in it..." Jin murmured, moving closer to the other and embracing him from behind. "With your hair up in that ponytail, cooking for the two of us," he added, kissing the crook of Kamenashi's neck, making him moan slightly and tilt his head. "But I don't think you'd be wearing it for that long--"

"Jin?"

Jin and Kamenashi sprung apart, Kamenashi's bright red face being the only thing giving them away. Jin's eyes widened and his heart dropped. "Mum?"

Kamenashi was staring at the floor, refusing to meet the older woman's eyes. "What're you two doing?" she asked, her eyes filled with a kind of knowing that made her son squirm under her gaze.

"Uh...I need an apron... for the kitchen. I'm - uh - sick of dirtying my clean clothes when I cook," he said.

"Oh, alright. So what you were saying before about Kame is...?" she faded out, smiling, and turned around, to continue to browse through the different eggbeaters on sale. There was still a smile on her face as she saw Jin and Kamenashi rush out of the store a few moments later, without buying anything.

 _Finally_ , she thought. Then, _Ooh, there's a green one_.

>>><<<

 

The two arrived back at Jin's place, panting as they sat on his couch. "What're we going to do?" Kamenashi asked, tears in his eyes. Jin looked over to him, placing a calming hand on Kamenashi's cheek.

"Hey," he murmured. "We won't worry about it until we have to, alright?"

Little did they know then was that the time to worry was going to arrive sooner than they thought.

 

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi wasn't picking up his phone. Jin shook his own, as if that was going to make a difference, and placed it back to his ear, cursing when he still didn't answer. "Shit, Kame, where are you?" he asked the empty house.

He had tried calling his mobile, his work, his home phone number - but either no-one had seen him, or they weren't answering. Why wasn't anyone answering?

Jin paced about the kitchen, racking his brain to try and figure out some other way to contact him. He had been trying since the morning before - it was now almost six in the evening, and although at first Jin had thought that maybe he had gone somewhere, he soon realised that Kamenashi always answered his phone. It was always on. And his family wasn't picking up, either. He didn't know what was going on. Kamenashi hadn't met him at their place by the river for two days, and he always remembered.

"Mum?" he asked, as soon as the woman answered.

_"Yes? Jin?"_

"Yeah, it's Jin. Have you heard from Kame? Or his family? Anyone?" he asked, slightly desperately.

 _"Hmm...let me see,"_ she said, thinking. _"Oh, I called his mother up the other day."_

"Yeah? What'd she say?"

_"Well, she was complaining about the state of their flower shop - you know how little customers they get - and about how they'd forgotten to water the lillies--"_

"Mum, seriously - I love you and all, but I don't care."

 _"Alright, alright, you know how much I love gossip. We talked about you two, actually. She asked how you were, and I told her that you were doing fine,"_ his mother said. Jin grimaced as he imagined the voice Kamenashi's mother must have been speaking with as she politely asked how Jin's health was - completely fake, Jin thought. _"And then I told her that I saw the two of you in the store the other day--"_

Jin froze, his blood running cold. "What."

 _"You know, the time when you were looking for an apron? I told her that you two were_ finally _together--"_

"You did what?!" Jin exclaimed, his hand bundling into a fist. "You didn't."

_"Yes, what's wrong with that? I'm so happy for you, honey, he's a nice boy--"_

Jin hung up on his still-talking mother, throwing his phone into his pocket before collapsing onto the floor, hands in his hair. He _knew_ Kamenashi's parents wouldn't take it well. That was why they hadn't told them of their relationship. They wouldn't accept them.

So where were they?

>>><<<

 

_"Jin, sweetie, I'm so sorry--"_

"Where is he?"

_"I-I don't know; they've moved, but I'm not sure where to. I'm so sorry - If I'd known--"_

"This is why we didn't tell anyone. This is why we've been keeping it a secret. Mum, it's been two weeks. Where the fuck is he?"

_"I don't know... I don-- I'm sorry-- I--"_

And once again, Jin hung up.

He was disheartened. Every day he tried to call the other, but still nothing. He let the phone ring out, leaving it for a while until he called again. Jin felt as though he were stalking the other, but he knew he wasn't - he was just so worried about him, and where he was.

Jin missed him. They had never been apart for so long - whenever any of their families had gone on holidays, they had always taken the other along. Yamashita was no help - he kept telling Jin to hold on; that he'd come back.

 

>>><<<

 

It was winter, and Kamenashi pulled his jacket around tighter, shivering as the heater attempted to warm the house up.

He had come home one day, expecting to eat dinner and go down to the riverside, have a bath and then go to sleep. Instead, he had walked through the door to a silent house.

"Dad?" he called, walking into the house. He knew his brothers wouldn't be home yet - they still had school. "Where is ever-- Why didn't you answer me?" he asked, as he stepped into the kitchen and saw both his parents. His father sat at the table, hands clasped, and his mother stood infront of him.

"I spoke to Akanishi's mother today," she began. Kamenashi's eyebrows immediately knitted together in suspicion. "She said she saw her son and you in a store the other day."

"Yes? So?"

"So she said that you were in a compromising position."

"Like what?" Kamenashi asked, worried, but standing tall. "What's consider--"

"Him kissing you in the middle of the store? _In public?"_ Kamenashi's father suddenly interrupted.

"He didn't _kiss me--"_

"But he was talking about having sex with you, wasn't he?" his father demanded, his deep authoritive voice filling the room. Kamenashi's heart sank.

"But--"

"Are you having sex with this man?"

"He's not a _man_ ; he's Jin, and--"

_"I don't care who he is; he's male."_

"I don't--"

"Kamenashi Kazuya. Answer me," his mother said, meeting his furious gaze. "Are you with this man, or not?"

Kamenashi lowered his head, nodding slowly, and trying to prepare himself for what his parents were going to say. He was expecting them to yell at him, to scream until their voices were hoarse and ban him from seeing Jin ever again.

What he wasn't expecting was his father to stand up, sigh, and say, "Kazuya, we're moving tomorrow. To Hokkaido. It's for your own good."

 

>>><<<

 

It wasn't until two years later that Akanishi Jin and Kamenashi Kazuya would see each other again.

>>><<<

 

It was a Thursday. Jin remembered that much. The telephone rang, but he groaned and turned over in bed, covering his face with his pillow. "Stop," he moaned, before tossing the pillow away and angrily reaching for the phone and snapping a short, "What?"

_"J-Jin?"_

That voice. He knew that voice. "Kame?"

_"You remember me?"_

"What're you-- what're you talking about? Of course I do! I've been _so fucking worried_ about you; where were you? What were you doing? Why did you leave me?" Jin asked, eyes itching as tears started to form. His questions came unconsciously; they had been buzzing around his brain for the past two years.

 _"I'm--I'm sorry, Jin... I couldn't do anything... they just - packed up and moved us all. I didn't have any time to tell you. I tried, though,"_ Kamenashi said, and it sounded like he was on the verge of tears, too.

"N-no, it was my mother who told yours... I'm sorry, too..."

_"Meet me by the riverside?"_

 

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi looked the same. Same thin face, same perfectly crooked nose, same high cheekbones. Only his hair had changed - it was shorter, but still rested against his neck. He smiled at Jin when he arrived at the river, and Jin returned it. The two lay down, watching the sky in silence.

Jin wanted to draw Kamenashi into a hug, to kiss him, to make sure he was really there. He also wanted to punch him. But he was content with just lying there, knowing that the other was next to him.

"Kame?"

"Mmm?"

"What would you do if I died tomorrow?"

"Die with you."

There it was again, simple and clear. Jin hummed and watched the clouds shift over the blue sky. He didn't want Kamenashi to die with him. He never had.

>>><<<  
 

But Jin didn't get away that easily. Kamenashi's father showed up one day, rapping his knuckles against his door sharply, demanding attention. "Yes?" Jin asked, opening the door and freezing as he saw who it was.

"I've come to tell you that you need to stay away from my son. He doesn't need your ideals forced upon him. I don't care what you do with your life; I don't care who or what you decide to have a...sexual relationship with... but you keep away from Kazuya, you hear?" Kamenashi's father threatened, staring Jin down.

"Excuse me?" Jin asked, voice low. " _Who or what?_ I'm not an animal, _sir._ And I didn't force Kame into anything. I lo--"

"I don't care!" the older man roared, but Jin stood his ground.

 _"I fucking love him!"_ Jin screamed.

_"Don't you yell at me, you disgusting--"_

_"This is my house; I can yell if I want to!"_ Jin shouted, taking a step forward, and delighting in the fact that the other stepped back. "Now," he added, his voice trembling from the force of keeping his tone low, "Get the hell off my property."

 

>>><<<

Jin couldn't remember whose idea it was to start a band - his or Nishikido's, but the shorter man would always insist it was him. He liked to take credit for things. Nishikido was the one to invite Kamenashi to join - after all, the guy was amazing at bass. Jin was the lead singer.

Things had been normal between them. Neither had made a move to rekindle the relationship they had once had. Perhaps it was because of the immense pain they had both felt as they were ripped apart. Or maybe it was because they were too scared to. They didn't want to be separated again.

There was no doubt in Kamenashi's mind that he still loved Jin with all of his heart. Everytime he heard his laugh, everytime he saw those eyes, everytime he even so much as glanced at the other, his heart would miss a beat.

Jin was unchanged, too - but something inside him had broken during the years they had been apart. It was like loving Kamenashi from a distance, now. As long as he had the other in his sights; as long as he knew he was going to see him again, he was happy with just that.

Neither wanted to lose the other again, and they were content with just having the other close.

The band was formed quickly - Nishikido on lead guitar, Koyama on rhythm guitar, Koki on drums - and they sounded fucking fantastic, thankyou very much. It wasn't much of a band, as they didn't even have a name, although they had thrown some around. They could really only practice on Saturdays, as Nishikido had a job teaching kids guitar, Koyama had university, and Koki had a job at a pet store.

So the band was more of a part-time hobby than anything, but Jin always said that he wanted them to go someplace with it; wanted them to be known. Kamenashi would just laugh and wave it off, but he knew that Jin would do anything to make his dreams come true.

 

>>><<<

 

Koyama left the band. Jin had just nodded when he had told them, and shrugged. But Yamashita came through for them - he always had, ever since they had somewhat adopted him as their 'mascot', as Jin called him. He found a certain Ueda Tatsuya, who was small and shy but amazing with a guitar. He seemed to have music built into his very soul.

Kamenashi knew as soon as he saw him that the copper-haired man would have a large impact on their lives, but he would have no idea just how much until later on.

That day, Kamenashi had arrived home from practice, his bass slung over his shoulder. It was his shift at the family's flower shop, and he had just ducked into the division between the house and the store to place his instrument down when his parents cornered him.

"Kazuya, I don't like you hanging around that Akanishi kid," his father started off, and Kamenashi sighed.

"I know, and I don't care."

"We realise that we can't just up and move again, what with the business doing so terribly - we need all the help we can get right now," Kamenashi's mother explained, trying to ignore him tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. "Do you remember Michiru - the lady down the street, before we moved? Nice woman; always had her hair done nicely." Kamenashi nodded, wanting this conversation to be over. "Well, her daughter, Meiko--"

"Her daughter Meiko is looking for someone to marry," his father cut in, and Kamenashi's eyebrows shot up.

"What?"

"We've arranged for you two to see each other."  
 

>>><<<

 

There was no way Kamenashi could ever tell Jin of this. Meiko was a sweet girl, with a cute, dimpled smile and long ebony hair, but she wasn't his type. She wasn't _Jin._

She didn't seem all that interested in him, either. She had even told him as such, and he had laughed in relief. "Thank goodness," she said, as he wiped away tears, still chuckling. Neither he nor Meiko told their parents how unwilling they were to marry the other.

Meiko was a good friend, though. She was someone he could talk to unabashedly - Jin used to be that person. He still was, to a certain extent. Jin would still laugh with him, talk with him, protect him. But he wished he would hold him again.

Meiko had invited him out one night, to help stalk her latest crush - the waiter who worked at a particular fast food outlet. She was all giggles and smiles afterwards, laughing as she remembered how he had fallen over himself when he had made a mistake with their orders. Kamenashi laughed because Meiko had one of those laughs where you had to laugh.

"Kame?"

Kamenashi froze. Standing infront of him was Jin, a confused and hurt expression on his face. "Jin."

"Who is _that_?" Jin spat, and Meiko shrunk back slightly.

Offended at the fact that Jin had hurt his friend, Kamenashi's mind wasn't working at the pace it normally did, and he snapped back, "My girlfriend! What're _you_ doing here?" He wished he could have taken it back; he wished he could just wipe away what he had said. But Meiko's eyes were widening and Jin's breathing quickened as he looked down to his feet, and he knew that there was no going back now.

"Your _girlfriend?"_ Jin repeated incredulously, walking forward. "Since when?" "Since three weeks ago," Kamenashi said, as venomously as Jin had.

"Oh, and I suppose you're treating her out for dinner, or something? Some fancy restaurant for the princess?" Jin yelled, up in Kamenashi's face. Kamenashi pushed him away.

"Shut up, _Akanishi!"_

"...I see... I'd better go; Ueda's waiting for me," was all he said, in a soft, broken voice, before he turned and left.

"Shit..." Kamenashi murmured. Meiko tugged on his arm.

"Hey," she said. "That's the guy you've been talking about, right?" Kamenashi nodded. "Go after him."

 _"Thankyou,"_ he murmured, before kissing her on the cheek and rushing after Jin.

Luckily, Jin's place wasn't that far away from here; he knew Jin always came to the ramen place close by, because he was so useless at cooking. _Please be alright,_ he wished, hoping that the other had calmed down.

He should have known better.

Kamenashi ran through the door to Jin's place, stopping as he heard voices coming from the lounge room, and his eyes widened at what he saw.

Ueda and Jin sat on the couch, Jin's face too close to Ueda's own for Kamenashi's liking. Ueda himself was leaning backwards as far as he could go, looking rather upset about Jin's face coming closer, but Kamenashi was blind to that. All he could see was Jin kissing the other, even if their lips hadn't touched yet.

"Akanishi Jin," was all he could stutter out, and then he was running again; to where, he had no idea. He heard a shout, and knew Jin was coming after him, but he sped up, not wanting him to catch him; not wanting him to see him, especially with these tears running down his face. He didn't even know when they had started.

 _"Kazuya!"_ Jin panted, finally catching up and grabbing ahold of his shoulder to turn him around. "That was noth-- Are you crying?"

 _"Yes, I'm crying!"_ Kamenashi said, wiping furiously at his eyes. "That's generally what it's called when water comes out of my eyes!"

"Stop that," Jin said softly, and Kamenashi knew he wasn't talking about his tears. "Listen to me. That was nothing. Think it over - you know me, right? You know I... lash out." Kamenashi nodded, sniffling and looking away. "How do you think I felt, seeing you with that girl? Huh? Fucking hurt, that's what. But it's good, in a way... 'cause we can't be together - there's no h--"

Kamenashi leaned forward, simply resting his forehead against Jin's chest. "Shut up," he breathed. "Shut up and make my tears go away."

"You know I can't do that anymore."

"Please stop talking."

"Now that, I can do."

They stood like that, on the side of the road, for a while, until Jin looked up at the sky. "I don't know," Kamenashi said suddenly, and Jin glanced at the top of his head.

"Huh?"  
  
"I don't know what I'll do if you die."

>>><<<

 

Jin had some serious grovelling to do over the next few weeks, and boy, did he know it. The atmosphere was tense whenever Ueda and Kamenashi were in a room together, which was quite often, as they were in a band.

Ueda had apologised to Kamenashi, too, but he had just waved it away. He liked the other, and wanted to stay on good terms with him. But there was this tiny piece of irrationality that clung to his heart, telling him that _Ueda kissed Jin,_ even though he knew that he had stopped them in time. But Kamenashi threw all of that away; didn't listen to that nagging voice. Instead, he drew Ueda closer, needing another friend, other than Koki, who he could talk to.

Many things had happened, in such a small time, for the band - Yamashita had found them a manager, Kato Shigeaki, who was tall and had a wide smile. Kamenashi knew, as soon as Kato bit back at Nishikido, that he would fit right in with their insane bunch.

He had also noticed small sparks between Ueda and Yamashita, although he didn't say anything to anyone. He doubted that even they knew what was happening, and was prepared to be by their side when their feelings fully surfaced.

There was one moment, though, when they were practicing one of their songs in Jin's shed, and Ueda was showing off something he had just learnt. Kamenashi saw Yamashita pale suddenly, looking right at Ueda, and rush out of the room. Kamenashi knew, then, that he was beginning to realise what was happening. He smiled to himself.

However, he was also starting to realise that somethng was happening with Nishikido. He had this certain soft look in his eyes as he glanced at Ueda. He had also adopted this stupid nickname for the other, claiming that he looked like an animated deer - Bambi, or something ridiculous. He had come into the flower shop the day before, paused, looked around, and left again. It was odd behaviour, even for Nishikido, and Kamenashi couldn't help himself but to think that perhaps he had been there to look for Ueda, since the other had decided to help Kamenashi's family out at the store.

Things were going to get complicated, Kamenashi thought, but smirked.

 

>>><<<

 

If he had thought that the romance between his band members was the most dramatic thing happening to him lately, Kamenashi was sorely mistaken.

It took him a while to recover, and he noticed Nishikido staring wide-eyed at the person talking.

Koki had cancer.

Ueda had known. Jin had known. _Jin had known._ Why? Why hadn't he told him? Why had Ueda known before him?

Was Koki going to die?

Koki shot him a smile, one of those wrinkly ones where his eyes turned up and all his teeth were shown, and Kamenashi smiled back. He would worry about that when he had to.

 

>>><<<

 

 _Le Ciel_ \- their band - were going to debut. Neither Kamenashi nor Jin could believe it. It was all fantastic, singing and playing and recording and interviews and suddenly they were known. It was amazing, to say the least, but there was one little thing preventing Kamenashi, and Jin, from being ecstatic.

Nakamaru. Their music producer.

Kamenashi answered his mobile, knowing it was Jin calling him. "Hello? What's up?"

"It's Nakamaru."

Kamenashi laughed. "Jin, seriously, I know it's you--"

"No, Kame," Jin said, voice low and serious. Kamenashi sat upon his bed, eyebrows furrowed.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, leaning against the wall behind him, crossing his legs.

"Nakamaru rang," he said simply. Kamenashi nodded his head.

"So you said. But why do you sound as though you've just cried?"

He heard Jin chuckle. "You pick up everything." Jin sniffed, before continuing. "I'm okay now. Uh... Nakamaru hasn't spoken to you, has he?"

"No, he hasn't - get to the point, Jin."

"...wow, this is hard. Uh... he rang me... and said that - uh - _Le Ciel_ has a certain image," he started, then trailed off.

"Yes...?"

"So, apparently, I'm this aloof type. Koki's the 'bad boy' type. Pfft, as if, he's as harmless as a fly - anyway, uh..."

 _"Jin."_ This was getting annoying. "Please."

"He - um... he basically said that being gay isn't allowed in--"

_"What?"_

"I know, I know, we--"

"What the hell are you talking about? You'd better not be--"

"Kame, _please!_ This is hard for me too - don't think that it's just you, here!" Jin yelled back at him.

"But--"

 _"Please,"_ Jin whispered, voice breaking slightly.

"So what? We're not all--"

"We're not allowed to be together. At all," Jin said, after regaining control over his voice.

It wasn't as if they were together now, but Jin was being ripped from him again. He couldn't wrap his head around it. "...what?"

There was silence from the other end, but Kamenashi knew that Jin couldn't answer him. He knew that Jin was on the other side, teeth worrying his lip until it bled, eyes clenched shut as he tried to figure out the words to say.

Kamenashi wanted to say something - say 'I love you' - but he didn't. Couldn't. "Hey. Jin? Hey."

"Mmm?"

"We'll be alright. We've done it before and we can do it now."

"How do you know?" Jin sounded broken.

"'Because we're awesome like that.' Isn't that something that you should be saying to me?"

And Jin laughed.

 

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi had accomplished a lot over the year. He had managed to debut with the group, soaring to success after their second single; accuse Jin of kissing a girl in the middle of the street, whereas he was actually doing exactly as Kamenashi was with Meiko; helped both Yamashita and Ueda realise that they were in love with the other; and played bass fucking awesomely - if there was such a word. He didn't think there was, but there should be.

Koki's death was something that he knew he would never get over.

Jin had been distancing himself from Kamenashi for a while, and, to tell the honest truth, Kamenashi had been staying away. But when Koki passed away, Kamenashi had rushed to the hospital, almost collapsing with the strain of keeping his emotions in check as he saw Nishikido just staring at the door he knew Koki's still body was behind. He hugged himself, clenching his jaw tight as he forced the tears away.

But then there were a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist from behind. "Jin," he whispered, before allowing the other to turn him around and bury his head in his hair. He could feel Jin's tears hitting the top of his head, and he just let go, sobbing into Jin's neck as he held tightly onto Jin's shirt.

"It'll be alright," Jin murmured, lips pressed against the top of Kamenashi's head. "It's going to be alright." But what? What was going to be alright? How? "Everything's going to be fine."

He heard a sudden noise, and turned, to see Ueda having collapsed to the ground, Nishikido and Kato both holding onto him desperately. He seemed to be mouthing the same things as Jin was.

Kamenashi moved closer still to Jin, and felt the other tighten his grip even more.

_I love you._

If only they could say it.

>>><<<

 

The band broke up, after Nakamaru tried to force another drummer upon them. They realised that the producer didn't really care about them - he just wanted the money they could bring in.

There was this sudden relief that flooded through Jin's veins after storming out of the building, the rest of _Le Ciel_ \- and Kato - behind him. They were free.

It was strange, because a record deal was what they had been aiming towards, but it was the thing that had imprisoned them. But as Jin turned his head and saw Kamenashi smiling at him, he thought that he had made the right decision.

 

>>><<<

 

Kamenashi sat on the floor, looking around the apartment. It wasn't much - there were old floorboards and dusty windowsills and intricate spiderwebs in the corners of the roof, but it was home.

Kamenashi Kazuya had finally moved out of home.

He sighed happily, lying back and looking at the ceiling. He had never felt like this. Like everything was right.

He had paid his family back, for all they had done for him. It had been quite a substantial amount, but he wanted to do it, even though his mother had refused. So he had left their house, renting this small apartment with the money he had left over from _Le Ciel._ He hadn't told anyone, yet. It was just nice sitting here in this empty place, knowing that it was _his._

Once he had gotten all of his belongings into the house and looking relatively neat, he made his way outside, humming to himself and sighing into the cool night air. Somehow, he found himself at the river where he and Jin always used to meet, and he smiled, walking over to the bank and laying his body down on the thick grass.

Kamenashi didn't know how long he lay there, staring up at the blackness of the sky. He supposed he must have been there for hours, at least, because as he turned his head, there was someone lying right next to him, and he was sure he hadn't been there before. Kamenashi decided that he must be tired.

The person next to him sighed, and looked at him. "Hey."

"Hi."

Jin smiled. "What're you doing?"

"Celebrating being by myself."

"Oh," Jin said, and went silent. "Should I leave, then?"

"No, you don't count."

Jin chuckled. "What happened?"

"I moved out," Kamenashi said simply, and Jin raised his eyebrows. "I don't have to rely on my parents anymore. I can control my own life, now."

Jin remained silent. Until, "What would you do if I died tomorrow?"

"That again?" Kamenashi asked, closing his eyes.

"Well?" Jin pressed.

"I don't know--"

"You once said you would die with me," Jin murmured. Kamenashi turned his head to look at him. "But I don't want that. I don't want you to throw away your own life, even if mine's gone." Jin turned his head, locking eyes with Kamenashi. "I want you to be happy. I want you to l--"

"Shut up," Kamenashi whispered, sitting up. "Shut up. Stop talking as if you're going to die."

Jin sat up, too, and watched Kamenashi's features. They had all grown so much in the last few years, but Kamenashi was as breathtaking as always. He smiled.

"What?" Kamenashi asked, turning to see Jin just watching him.

"I love you," Jin said. Kamenashi's stomach flipped as the other leaned closer, until his breath was brushing against his lips. "Kazuya."

　

\--end


End file.
